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May. 3rd, 2007

fuck this stupid computer anyway...
theyve blocked my fucking livejournal...now i cant even see what ive written

May. 2nd, 2007

ah yes...the last few moments, i remember it well
me and bonbon would go to the front class rooms, with the big windows and watch the crows swoop down, and the wind play with the water on the lake...
laughing at tourists as they passed under us...making up stories for them...
and distracting ourselves with the prospect of getting coffee or going for a walk rather then actually studying.
propping my phone against the window, waiting for a sign that there was a world out there
even though i was happy in the world i was in

those last few moments
warm sun and playful reeds
quiet nights in the dorm
everyone says goodbye and leaves
and these people your lived with for a few years
become another pen mark in an address book
which you intend to use
but falls behind the radiator, or accidentally thrown into a bag of papers

its heart breaking
the length
it seems so long when your in it
but as it dwindles to the last few
you wonder how did it go so fast
and what exactly did you fill your days with?

another memory i cherish over tea in the morning, while my love is still asleep
another dream i use to calm me through the day
inspiration for my next project
a paragraph or two on livejournal...

and then
thats it
next step
move on
grow up
pay rent
and wonder how you managed to go from the childish drama of kylemore
which seemed so huge at the time
to paying rent and making the money you worked all week for
stretch into paying for food
and a car
and tickets for a festival
and savings for emergencies
esb and heating in may...
who would have thought

stay a child while you can
dont grow up to fast
being carefree is amazing
cherish it
cuz you wont be in that moment much longer
and then youl wonder
where the fuck it went


May. 1st, 2007

daddy knows
the color of the sky
when the heat will come
daddy knows
the moment before rain falls
daddy knows
to give a look and say nothing
daddy knows
that its never too late to say sorry

i miss you

hello darlings
i havent been on this for ages and i miss it
growing up is nasty, im trying to stay away from it but my struggle to stay naive and carefree is going down the drain
ive been really sick the last few months, galway water has a parasite that they didnt tell us about untill everyone was already dieing ill, me included
between school and work i have no time to write anymore and i miss it. im enjoying art college but its nothing like i thought it would be, maybe thats cuz its first year and were being jerked around the place all the time, with no teachers and briefs that dont make sense and stupid deadlines
hopefull next year will be better.

im trying to stay really strong this year.
i need to learn to take care of things and just get over the petty things

i bought runners today for the first time in 8 years.
it feels weird not to be in chucks...but if you were on your feet from 8 in the morning until 11 at night, youd understand...

im worried to death about my brother...im actually praying that he passes his leaving cert.
i cant imagine him repeating next year, but he doesnt seem to arsed.
i know hel go mental if he stays in this town for much longer, but where your here for so long, you kinda forget that there is a world out there, you just need to work a little to get there.

i miss people i havent seen since we moved here. and i wonder how their doing and where they are. its amazing how many people ive lost since i was 13

i guess im just shit at fighting for myself.

me and the alex are sitting in school trying to find something for sarah to do with her life...hehehe

and as for me and life, work has taken over...
school is rough but manageable and
everything else is just dandy

sarah has officially not officially moved in with us...which has been interesting to say the least :)

and alex quit her nightmare of a job in dunnes because they were being fascists cunts and driving her mad.

and my current project at school is about being stubbornly straggelly...

how appropriate:)

i went home on tuesday, well monday night and came back here tuesday night

home is so different now that im never there

i appreciate it more and more

even the winter rain and wind...

i prefer getting drenched out in a field with the dogs in toe and the cats running up beside me then get a mouthful of water, a nose full of car exhaust here...

im just so fucking sick of it all

all the time

these buildings and people

a constant head fuck

im such a country bumpkin



everything is pileing up and i dont know how to control everything

i have a feeling that this bucket is going to overflow soon and i wont have anything thing to mop the mess up with

alex keeps having dreams that i dont love her

i need more time

theres never enough time
i just took the loveliest of lovely walks outside
the ground all wet from this mornings rain, but autumn leaves comforted me. the warmth of the sun on my face so rare...i never feel it anymore.
and despite a cold chill, i loved it.
a breath of life

i forget sometimes



happy birthday julia...
hope you had a nice one and a happy halloween:)

im leaving again tomorro, and like i say every time i leave

i dont know when il be updateing this again, i prolie wont be able to afford to...

but being broke is fine as long as your happily broke...which i will be

selling scarves and paintings on the street...

not having to worry about anything.

i cant wait to go...i wish i was already there

hopefully il have some time to write to ppl ive been meaning to write to all summer,
but never got around to it...

my life is pretty boring anyway, nothing much happening and nothing much has changed:)


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