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limbo

College is finished for the summer...perhaps forever?

i feel like i am in limbo at the moment. im just hanging around the place not too sure on what i should do or what it is that i SHOULD be doing.

alex is still doing exams so i cant move home.
the opening of my exhibition is in a week and i really need to finish the piece for that

but im talking about in the long run
should i work as if im getting in next year
or should i take it easy for awhile, whats the rush...

could i actually rest now, now that im on a roll...

art is a terrible thing to be apart of...
now that art is part of the system
hi:)

if anyone wants to check out my blog to see what im at...in a visual sort of sense of the word its

shelkybean.blogspot.com

xxx
i had 1st ass-ments yesterday
they told me that everything i have done since september is shit
for about an hour
and then smiled
dont worry
you have a whole new term to find something your good at
to which i replied
if i bother to come back
and left

i HATE
art college
and
i HATE
ART TEACHERS
faceing into a slight dilema...?
my assessment is on monday
i have shed loads to do
but procrastinaton is my master at the moment
as always
so everything is being put off to tomorro
and the next day
and i can squeeze that in monday morning, right before

why do i do this to myself

would it just be so much easier to just do things as i go along instead of post poneing them?

egh!
i think i am sally from 'nightmare before xmas'
i feel like all my limbs are just barely stitched together
like i am just on the verge of coming undone and falling apart
the only time i feel as if its ok to be fraying at the seams
is when im with all my little girlies
with them, suddenly im stitched together with wire instead of linen
and somehow this prevents me from sliding apart
it seems to be ok
they just make everything better
more fun
more intense
more real
more fantastic

and i love them for that
i love the fact that they let me be myself
even if im am just a badly assembled ball of threads

<3
i am so frustrated
everything is going wrong as usual
and of course its all my fault, as usual

its all so difficult and the pain in my gut from being worried to the point of sickness is distressing me...

i need to escape from this so called life of mine and disappear into some other place

<3
i would never in my entire life ever try venessan...ian...?
all i would be able to think about is bambie...same for veal...
i would never eat dog or cat or any sort of thing that has a face, apart from fish...i need them for my headaches...
as far as veg is concerned...i will never eat olives again because i think they are the most vile food on this plant, i dont care if they are stuffed, i cant stomach them...yuck!










ive just had a lovely couple of days home, away from the clostrophobia that is galway...id love to see me in new york or calcutta now...id prolie scream the place down...

"i cant see the horizon...i cant see the sky...get me out of here!!!"

but now im going back cuz i have to go to work and do all those things that people who have flown the coope...like pay rediculous esb bills which your evil landlord has manipulated so that your actually paying all of his bills in one go, instad of just your own...lovely prick


anyway...back i go...

fun fun fun

where has the summer gone?

Writer's Block: By Any Other Name

yeah, i know i havent updated in forever...life is being crazy to me.

ive recently moved, my hamster died, i was a witness in a murder...seagull and ive been quite ill

when i have more time i will fill in on any or all details of life, but now im going to go get a wee dag with my wife

love to all

shell bell

Jun. 17th, 2007

oh lord
im emotionally drained
ive been working non stop for what seams like the last 6 years but its only been the last 2 months.
i want a holiday where i just sleep and get nourishment pumped into my veins for about 3 weeks, that would be nice
then id wake up and feel like i was being born again...all refreshed instead of waking up every morning at half 7 to sit in silence waiting for to go to work...
im sick if it, its driving me nuts, its running my life and its only to pay the bills, its not like i can even save anything from it...

sigh, whatever.

livejournal vomit, just something to do and release some of this tension.

i feel like ive been frowning all day which i prolie have, nothing new there...

i want to be happy again.
im tired and tired of being tired
something happens to me when im in the 'city'
my whole everything goes on shut down
i can hardly breathe never mind anything else
and whoever said that when your a student you party
obliviously had mommy and daddy to pay for all their bills
a job leaves very little time to clean dishes and have a shower,
nevermind galavanting around the town

im growing tomatoe plants in my flat...their very cute and small...
i prolie wont have any fruit until the end of august...but its worth the wait

i had a dream about kylmore last night, or what i thought in my dream was kylrmore
there were loads of spanish girls doing all these dances in really colorful dresses, and i kept trying to find finola, but im not sure why...i found gilboy and she was how she was when i left.
still young with the poka dot hair band and cute sparkly eyes
but she wasnt very enthused about seeing me and would tell me where fie was...
then i woke up, completely frustrated at the fact that i never got into the building or found fie fie

ive been having alot of dreams like that where i see ppl i havent seen in ages and they ignore me


anyway,
its a soft day today and im ill as usual
time for tea and sleepyzzz

<3
xxx
shelly